Stuck..

Okay, this post is gonna be in Malay..

Pernah tak rasa mcm betul2 stuck in between Mom and Dad? Especially kalau mereka dah bercerai? Just now, Along called me saying that Daddy sakit. I was shocked like hell. You wanna know the reason??? Well, it is regarding me and Ee. I told Along yang parents Ee cuma dtg hantar tanda eventhough it would look quite obvious yang actuallynya, kami ni mcm dah bertunang. Daddy jatuh sakit because of that. Kesian kan? Susah, susah.. Sometimes, terlintas jugak rasa mcm nak kahwin lari aje and duduk jauh2 macam semua orang.. Its not easy to please everybody.. Terasa jugak mcm diri ni di manipulate oleh Mommy coz she controls me like I am still a school kid. Dad gave me more freedom, and I thank him for that. I dont want to disappoint Dad. I love my Dad like no other. Dad helped me through when Im broke and I didnt tell Mommy that. What should I?

I cried while talking to Along.. I didnt know whatelse to do. Mom ckp mcm ni, Dad pulak nak things mcm ni.. Opposite ways pulak tu! And then, anak-anak jadi mangsa.. Just like my case. Why oh why? Sakit jiwa mcm ni. I love both of them, tapi please.. Dont ruin my future happiness with these kinda shit! I am the one who's getting married, not you guys. I know that Daddy's dream is to organize a huge, grand wedding for me since he didnt get to do so with Along's. I do understand that. And I want that kind of wedding too, being serenade with all my loved ones altogether.. Aah, what a pleasant dream. The outcome may not be that great, I know. Thus, I am keeping my fingers crossed everyday, hoping yang satu hari nanti Mom and Dad will be able to sit and talk nicely to each other.

Bila? Bila ia akan terjadi, I wonder. Dad fell sick after dapat tahu from Ibu which, secara logiknya, I was the one yang told her. I had to tell someone abt this, kan? Takkan nak simpan? Both party kena tahu.

Ee pun tak tau lagi abt this, entahla, serabut aje rasa kepala ni nak fikir lots of things. Nak kena jaga hati semua orang, what about me then? What about my happiness? When I am alone and in need, who's there to help me? Ee's always there. Now that he's gone, rasa mcm susah sangat. Dahla tak ada tempat mengadu..

If I am weak, I would cry every single day. I have to show Ee that I am strong and capable of living without him selama setahun.

Tapi, still, Ee, pls come back. I need you. Bahu Shima rasa dah terbeban sangat ni. Shima tak tahu nak buat apa lagi. Why do I have to feel sorry for everyone when nobody ever felt sorry for me.

And my kittie, Hitam, is sick. I wonder whats wrong with her stomache...

Ee oh Ee..

Ee and Faizal

He claimed that Scotland is boring. Ah well, I personally think KL looks better than Aberdeen. At LEAST, he gets to go out of the country. I am thinking of going to the USA since Monica is there.. Mia is there also :) Ngeh.

Ee asked me to visit him there, sometime at the end of the year. Yeah, right. Suddenly all my fav people are dispersed all over the world. I am looking forward for it though. I mean, I dont have to worry over a place to stay coz I just dont have to. Its just that money doesnt grow from a tree so.. I have to work my ass harder and save some money if I really wanna go. Plus, I am getting married next year too, which means... more money will be needed!

Gah.. Thinking abt it gives me a bloody headache!!

Just crapping around..

i must stop acting like a 6 year old kid.

i loveeeee him too much to do such stupid things.

anyway, today, i get to YM with EE.. *happy*

My answers...

1.Whose picture is it that you keep in your wallet?
- JUST A SMALL PIC OF MY HUNNYBUNNYMUNCHIKIN <3

2.What time do you usually go to bed?
- AROUND 12 AM LIKE THAT, OR 1 AM..

3. What was the last thing you did before filling this survey?
- BROWSING THROUGH FOTOPAGES!

4.Who are the people you always meet the most?
- MOM, AUNTIE IRENE, EIJAN, ABE, CHOMEL.. AND AREEN KOT?

5. What's on your mind right now?
- P&G INTERVIEW THIS EVENING.. TO GO OR NOT TO..

6. Do you tell your mom everything?
- NO, NOT ALL..

7. With whom do you wanna be to have fun?
- WITH MY FRIENDS AND EE <3

8.What movie do u wanna watch now?
- I WANNA WATCH A CHICK FLICK PLS!!

9.When was the last time you went out?
- TWO DAYS AGO..

10. Who do you hate the most for now?
- NOT SURE..

11. When was the first time you slept alone?
- WHEN MOM & DAD WENT TO THE PHILIPPINES WHEN I WAS LIKE.. 7 !

12. What do you wanna do for now?
- GO BACK HOME AND SLEEP!!

13. What do you do everyday besides eat and sleep?
- WORK WORK WORK..

14. What could piss you off?
- TRAFFIC JAMS AND BLOODY INCONSIDERATE DRIVERS!!

15. Colors that make you happy?
- ORANGE, AZURE BLUE, LIME GREEN :)

16. Most fav thing in your room?
- A VERY TALL MIRROR AND MY BED OF COURSE!

17. What was the last thing you bought for your room?
- ERM, LIKE NONE?

18. Any instruments in your room?
- NOPE, JUST MY CD FM STEREO..

19. Can you cook?
- IM A LOUSY COOK, BUT STILL, I CAN COOK FEW DISHES!

20. Miss someone?
- EE :(

21. Plan to buy something?
- OH YEAH, A WEBCAM FOR MY PC, A SPEAKER HEADPHONE, A NEW CAGE FOR THE KITTENS, A NEW 1 GIGABYTE THUMBDRIVE, USB BLUETOOTH.. AARGH!!

22. Are you satisfied with your life now?
- I AM GONNA GIVE IT A FEW MORE YEARS TO ANSWER THAT!

23.Do you like seafood?
- VERY MUCH!

24.Breakfast or dinner?
- DINNER :)

25. What do you usually eat for breakfast?
- HIGH 5 SPICY BILIS BREAD

26. Did you eat breakfast today?
- I HAD NASI LEMAK! YUMMY!!

27. Do you recycle?
- ONLY IF I SEE THE RECYCLE BIN..

28. Do you have a laptop?
- GOT ONE - A COMPAQ. GOT FRIED TWO YEARS AGO!

29. What's your favorite fast food?
- CAN I SAY SUSHI?

30. Cats or dogs?
- BOTH. SINCE MY RELIGION PROHIBITED ME TO HAVE A PET DOG, YEAH, CATS. GOT TWO. HITAM AND PUTEH OR TAM & TEH :)

31. Salty or sweet?
- SALTY PLS!

32.City or country?
- BOTH ALSO CAN..

33. How do you prefer to spend your holiday?
- CUDDLING INSIDE THE HOTEL ROOM LIKE THERE'S NO TOMORROW. WINE AND DINE WITH MY LOVED ONES. OUTDOOR ACTIVITIES.

34. Is kissing normal for your age?
- I THINK SO..

35.Are you athletic?
- I PLAY FUTSAL..

36. Do you swear?
- NOT REGULARLY..

37. Would you ditch your friends for a date?
- HAHA IT DEPENDS ON HOW HOT MY DATE IS!!

38. Do you have your own cell phone?
- I DO..

39.what do you wear to bed?
- ANY SLEEPING GEAR LIKE BOXER SHORTS AND A TANK TOP.. OR MY SATIN NIGHT GOWN :)

40. Ever had a crush on a teacher?
- WHAT A WASTE OF TIME!!

41. Coke or pepsi?
- COKE IS BETTER!

42.Sugar or spice?
- SPICE..

43. Do you like to read for pleasure?
- OH YES OH YES!! *MULTIPLE ORGASMS*

44. Do you care about getting good grades?
- DURING SCHOOLS, YES..

45.Have u ever fallen sleep in class?
- LIKE, ALL THE TIME?

46.Does your best friend get on your nerves?
- HAHA DONT THINK SO!

47. Do your parents give you enough privacy?
- SOMETIMES..

48. Do your parents trust you?
- I GUESS THEY DO..

49. Would you trade places (in life) with your best
friend?
- IF SHE'S SOMEKIND OF A ONE HELL LUCKY CHICK, WHY NOT? NOT THAT IM REGRETTING MY LIFE THOUGH..

Finally :)

I received few mails from Ee today. And I am so friggin HAPPY. Yeah, um, he told me that he was having difficulties looking for IDD calling card to call me so, yeah, thats one the reason why he doesnt call.. Its okay, baby, but only this time!

He send me few pics so I decided to upload them here.. He looks all cute, trust me..

Now I feel like smiling 24/7 :) tralalalaa..

My Happy Ending

So much for my happy ending
Oh oh, oh oh, oh oh...

Let's talk this over
It's not like we're dead
Was it something I did?
Was it something You said?
Don't leave me hanging
In a city so dead
Held up so high
On such a breakable thread

You were all the things I thought I knew
And I thought we could be

[Chorus:]
You were everything, everything that I wanted
We were meant to be, supposed to be, but we lost it
And all of the memories, so close to me, just fade away
All this time you were pretending
So much for my happy ending
Oh oh, oh oh, oh oh...

You've got your dumb friends
I know what they say
They tell you I'm difficult
But so are they
But they don't know me
Do they even know you?
All the things you hide from me
All the shit that you do

You were all the things I thought I knew
And I thought we could be

[Chorus]

It's nice to know that you were there
Thanks for acting like you cared
And making me feel like I was the only one
It's nice to know we had it all
Thanks for watching as I fall
And letting me know we were done

[Chorus x2]

[x2]
Oh oh, oh oh, oh oh...
So much for my happy ending

Oh oh, oh oh, oh oh...

*************************

Actually, I am not even a fan of Avril. Somehow, I feel so emotionally connected with the lyrics and her angsts toward that someone. Really, no kidding. She's quite a good songwriter, I'm gonna admit that this time!

I dunno why, I am still obsessed over fairies. Monica, that Maryland chick asked me to visit her in US. Yeah, right.. I think I might go visit her there, considering I dont have to spend my money on hotel and food. She even wanted to buy me flight tickets. Thats so nice of her, eh? Hey BUSH, here I come!!

I am so emotionally driven nowadays. I cry whenever I want to. I eat only when I feel like eating. But Ive been crying a lot nowadays. The pressure I couldnt stand.

I miss Ee. I wonder why, he is being so quiet. Not even any single communication done. I know I dont email him either, but with him, being so silent makes me think few times to send him mails everyday. I mean, he dont even have time to login, so I believe he wont have time to read all the junks I send him. Right, no?

EE, i miss you. Pls pls call me.

♥

eternal Sunshine

i want to run away from all these mess im having at the moment. if only i could fly, i'll spread my wings and fly up, up away from here. to somewhere quiet and peaceful. with daisies, gerberras and pretty pink roses everywhere. and butterflies. bright sunshine, flocks of birds flying up above the sky. this is how i picture myself. heh :)

no matter how much i missed him, still, it cant mend my tormented heart.

he doesnt miss me like i do. no emails, no phone calls so far. that explains it all!

HURT ME DEEP

so i'll bleed heavily

hurt me deep
and make me suffer

hurt me deep
hurt me deep
so i'll lost my will to live

hurt me deep
and leave me the scars

hurt me deep
and i shall represent you
my neverending tears

Sad sad Sad sad Sad

I feel like my happiness is going down the drain.

I was so happy to be proposed yesterday.

But today,

I feel so empty. So loss. Someone owed me an explaination.

I am just like a toy, am I?
You throw me away when a new one comes out.
Eventhough its an old story, but still..
My heart breaks :(

Ah, life..
Now I think I shouldnt be sharing this blog with anyone.
Its better for me to keep it as personal as I can..

I cried to Chomel just now.. How could you, after all these years?

I AM A FOOL :(