This is ME..

Stuck..

2006-03-20T17:52:00.000-08:00

Okay, this post is gonna be in Malay..

Pernah tak rasa mcm betul2 stuck in between Mom and Dad? Especially kalau mereka dah bercerai? Just now, Along called me saying that Daddy sakit. I was shocked like hell. You wanna know the reason??? Well, it is regarding me and Ee. I told Along yang parents Ee cuma dtg hantar tanda eventhough it would look quite obvious yang actuallynya, kami ni mcm dah bertunang. Daddy jatuh sakit because of that. Kesian kan? Susah, susah.. Sometimes, terlintas jugak rasa mcm nak kahwin lari aje and duduk jauh2 macam semua orang.. Its not easy to please everybody.. Terasa jugak mcm diri ni di manipulate oleh Mommy coz she controls me like I am still a school kid. Dad gave me more freedom, and I thank him for that. I dont want to disappoint Dad. I love my Dad like no other. Dad helped me through when Im broke and I didnt tell Mommy that. What should I?

I cried while talking to Along.. I didnt know whatelse to do. Mom ckp mcm ni, Dad pulak nak things mcm ni.. Opposite ways pulak tu! And then, anak-anak jadi mangsa.. Just like my case. Why oh why? Sakit jiwa mcm ni. I love both of them, tapi please.. Dont ruin my future happiness with these kinda shit! I am the one who's getting married, not you guys. I know that Daddy's dream is to organize a huge, grand wedding for me since he didnt get to do so with Along's. I do understand that. And I want that kind of wedding too, being serenade with all my loved ones altogether.. Aah, what a pleasant dream. The outcome may not be that great, I know. Thus, I am keeping my fingers crossed everyday, hoping yang satu hari nanti Mom and Dad will be able to sit and talk nicely to each other.

Bila? Bila ia akan terjadi, I wonder. Dad fell sick after dapat tahu from Ibu which, secara logiknya, I was the one yang told her. I had to tell someone abt this, kan? Takkan nak simpan? Both party kena tahu.

Ee pun tak tau lagi abt this, entahla, serabut aje rasa kepala ni nak fikir lots of things. Nak kena jaga hati semua orang, what about me then? What about my happiness? When I am alone and in need, who's there to help me? Ee's always there. Now that he's gone, rasa mcm susah sangat. Dahla tak ada tempat mengadu..

If I am weak, I would cry every single day. I have to show Ee that I am strong and capable of living without him selama setahun.

Tapi, still, Ee, pls come back. I need you. Bahu Shima rasa dah terbeban sangat ni. Shima tak tahu nak buat apa lagi. Why do I have to feel sorry for everyone when nobody ever felt sorry for me.

And my kittie, Hitam, is sick. I wonder whats wrong with her stomache...

Ee oh Ee..

2006-03-19T08:52:00.000-08:00

Ee and Faizal

He claimed that Scotland is boring. Ah well, I personally think KL looks better than Aberdeen. At LEAST, he gets to go out of the country. I am thinking of going to the USA since Monica is there.. Mia is there also :) Ngeh.

Ee asked me to visit him there, sometime at the end of the year. Yeah, right. Suddenly all my fav people are dispersed all over the world. I am looking forward for it though. I mean, I dont have to worry over a place to stay coz I just dont have to. Its just that money doesnt grow from a tree so.. I have to work my ass harder and save some money if I really wanna go. Plus, I am getting married next year too, which means... more money will be needed!

Gah.. Thinking abt it gives me a bloody headache!!

Just crapping around..

2006-03-18T03:50:00.000-08:00

i must stop acting like a 6 year old kid.

i loveeeee him too much to do such stupid things.

anyway, today, i get to YM with EE.. *happy*

My answers...

2006-03-17T19:02:00.000-08:00

1.Whose picture is it that you keep in your wallet?
- JUST A SMALL PIC OF MY HUNNYBUNNYMUNCHIKIN <3

2.What time do you usually go to bed?
- AROUND 12 AM LIKE THAT, OR 1 AM..

3. What was the last thing you did before filling this survey?
- BROWSING THROUGH FOTOPAGES!

4.Who are the people you always meet the most?
- MOM, AUNTIE IRENE, EIJAN, ABE, CHOMEL.. AND AREEN KOT?

5. What's on your mind right now?
- P&G INTERVIEW THIS EVENING.. TO GO OR NOT TO..

6. Do you tell your mom everything?
- NO, NOT ALL..

7. With whom do you wanna be to have fun?
- WITH MY FRIENDS AND EE <3

8.What movie do u wanna watch now?
- I WANNA WATCH A CHICK FLICK PLS!!

9.When was the last time you went out?
- TWO DAYS AGO..

10. Who do you hate the most for now?
- NOT SURE..

11. When was the first time you slept alone?
- WHEN MOM & DAD WENT TO THE PHILIPPINES WHEN I WAS LIKE.. 7 !

12. What do you wanna do for now?
- GO BACK HOME AND SLEEP!!

13. What do you do everyday besides eat and sleep?
- WORK WORK WORK..

14. What could piss you off?
- TRAFFIC JAMS AND BLOODY INCONSIDERATE DRIVERS!!

15. Colors that make you happy?
- ORANGE, AZURE BLUE, LIME GREEN :)

16. Most fav thing in your room?
- A VERY TALL MIRROR AND MY BED OF COURSE!

17. What was the last thing you bought for your room?
- ERM, LIKE NONE?

18. Any instruments in your room?
- NOPE, JUST MY CD FM STEREO..

19. Can you cook?
- IM A LOUSY COOK, BUT STILL, I CAN COOK FEW DISHES!

20. Miss someone?
- EE :(

21. Plan to buy something?
- OH YEAH, A WEBCAM FOR MY PC, A SPEAKER HEADPHONE, A NEW CAGE FOR THE KITTENS, A NEW 1 GIGABYTE THUMBDRIVE, USB BLUETOOTH.. AARGH!!

22. Are you satisfied with your life now?
- I AM GONNA GIVE IT A FEW MORE YEARS TO ANSWER THAT!

23.Do you like seafood?
- VERY MUCH!

24.Breakfast or dinner?
- DINNER :)

25. What do you usually eat for breakfast?
- HIGH 5 SPICY BILIS BREAD

26. Did you eat breakfast today?
- I HAD NASI LEMAK! YUMMY!!

27. Do you recycle?
- ONLY IF I SEE THE RECYCLE BIN..

28. Do you have a laptop?
- GOT ONE - A COMPAQ. GOT FRIED TWO YEARS AGO!

29. What's your favorite fast food?
- CAN I SAY SUSHI?

30. Cats or dogs?
- BOTH. SINCE MY RELIGION PROHIBITED ME TO HAVE A PET DOG, YEAH, CATS. GOT TWO. HITAM AND PUTEH OR TAM & TEH :)

31. Salty or sweet?
- SALTY PLS!

32.City or country?
- BOTH ALSO CAN..

33. How do you prefer to spend your holiday?
- CUDDLING INSIDE THE HOTEL ROOM LIKE THERE'S NO TOMORROW. WINE AND DINE WITH MY LOVED ONES. OUTDOOR ACTIVITIES.

34. Is kissing normal for your age?
- I THINK SO..

35.Are you athletic?
- I PLAY FUTSAL..

36. Do you swear?
- NOT REGULARLY..

37. Would you ditch your friends for a date?
- HAHA IT DEPENDS ON HOW HOT MY DATE IS!!

38. Do you have your own cell phone?
- I DO..

39.what do you wear to bed?
- ANY SLEEPING GEAR LIKE BOXER SHORTS AND A TANK TOP.. OR MY SATIN NIGHT GOWN :)

40. Ever had a crush on a teacher?
- WHAT A WASTE OF TIME!!

41. Coke or pepsi?
- COKE IS BETTER!

42.Sugar or spice?
- SPICE..

43. Do you like to read for pleasure?
- OH YES OH YES!! *MULTIPLE ORGASMS*

44. Do you care about getting good grades?
- DURING SCHOOLS, YES..

45.Have u ever fallen sleep in class?
- LIKE, ALL THE TIME?

46.Does your best friend get on your nerves?
- HAHA DONT THINK SO!

47. Do your parents give you enough privacy?
- SOMETIMES..

48. Do your parents trust you?
- I GUESS THEY DO..

49. Would you trade places (in life) with your best
friend?
- IF SHE'S SOMEKIND OF A ONE HELL LUCKY CHICK, WHY NOT? NOT THAT IM REGRETTING MY LIFE THOUGH..

Finally :)

2006-03-17T02:57:00.000-08:00

I received few mails from Ee today. And I am so friggin HAPPY. Yeah, um, he told me that he was having difficulties looking for IDD calling card to call me so, yeah, thats one the reason why he doesnt call.. Its okay, baby, but only this time!

He send me few pics so I decided to upload them here.. He looks all cute, trust me..

Now I feel like smiling 24/7 :) tralalalaa..

My Happy Ending

2006-03-16T01:20:00.000-08:00

So much for my happy ending
Oh oh, oh oh, oh oh...

Let's talk this over
It's not like we're dead
Was it something I did?
Was it something You said?
Don't leave me hanging
In a city so dead
Held up so high
On such a breakable thread

You were all the things I thought I knew
And I thought we could be

[Chorus:]
You were everything, everything that I wanted
We were meant to be, supposed to be, but we lost it
And all of the memories, so close to me, just fade away
All this time you were pretending
So much for my happy ending
Oh oh, oh oh, oh oh...

You've got your dumb friends
I know what they say
They tell you I'm difficult
But so are they
But they don't know me
Do they even know you?
All the things you hide from me
All the shit that you do

You were all the things I thought I knew
And I thought we could be

[Chorus]

It's nice to know that you were there
Thanks for acting like you cared
And making me feel like I was the only one
It's nice to know we had it all
Thanks for watching as I fall
And letting me know we were done

[Chorus x2]

[x2]
Oh oh, oh oh, oh oh...
So much for my happy ending

Oh oh, oh oh, oh oh...

*************************

Actually, I am not even a fan of Avril. Somehow, I feel so emotionally connected with the lyrics and her angsts toward that someone. Really, no kidding. She's quite a good songwriter, I'm gonna admit that this time!

I dunno why, I am still obsessed over fairies. Monica, that Maryland chick asked me to visit her in US. Yeah, right.. I think I might go visit her there, considering I dont have to spend my money on hotel and food. She even wanted to buy me flight tickets. Thats so nice of her, eh? Hey BUSH, here I come!!

I am so emotionally driven nowadays. I cry whenever I want to. I eat only when I feel like eating. But Ive been crying a lot nowadays. The pressure I couldnt stand.

I miss Ee. I wonder why, he is being so quiet. Not even any single communication done. I know I dont email him either, but with him, being so silent makes me think few times to send him mails everyday. I mean, he dont even have time to login, so I believe he wont have time to read all the junks I send him. Right, no?

EE, i miss you. Pls pls call me.

♥

eternal Sunshine

2006-03-15T23:46:00.000-08:00

i want to run away from all these mess im having at the moment. if only i could fly, i'll spread my wings and fly up, up away from here. to somewhere quiet and peaceful. with daisies, gerberras and pretty pink roses everywhere. and butterflies. bright sunshine, flocks of birds flying up above the sky. this is how i picture myself. heh :)

no matter how much i missed him, still, it cant mend my tormented heart.

he doesnt miss me like i do. no emails, no phone calls so far. that explains it all!

HURT ME DEEP

2006-03-15T23:27:00.000-08:00

so i'll bleed heavily

hurt me deep
and make me suffer

hurt me deep
hurt me deep
so i'll lost my will to live

hurt me deep
and leave me the scars

hurt me deep
and i shall represent you
my neverending tears

Sad sad Sad sad Sad

2006-03-14T19:07:00.000-08:00

I feel like my happiness is going down the drain.

I was so happy to be proposed yesterday.

But today,

I feel so empty. So loss. Someone owed me an explaination.

I am just like a toy, am I?
You throw me away when a new one comes out.
Eventhough its an old story, but still..
My heart breaks :(

Ah, life..
Now I think I shouldnt be sharing this blog with anyone.
Its better for me to keep it as personal as I can..

I cried to Chomel just now.. How could you, after all these years?

I AM A FOOL :(

Letter to Ee

2006-03-13T02:08:00.000-08:00

I wrote these weeks ago.. And I didnt get to give it too Ee. Umm..
Dunno whether he'll be reading this or not..

However, I'll just paste it here in the blog..

*********************************

This has taken a lot of effort for me to reveal what actually I felt for the past (and current :p) couple of days..

And I don’t really know what to say. I’m sad and that’s so obvious, no? Of course I do! The thought of having to be alone entirely this whole year is killing me by pieces. I was thinking of lots of things. For once, I won’t have you by my side anymore. The one for me to cuddle with. To argue. To tease. To call. To practically irritates and annoy. To hug me when I sleep. To listen to my endless whines. I am going to lose my shoulder to cry on. And every night, just thinking about it when I’m alone, makes me tremble and want to cry. Yet, so far I remain and acted literally calm and happy when you are around.

To have you by my side is a pure bliss. Even though we used to argue a lot. It doesn’t really matter to me anymore now that we’re like these love-struck teenagers. Like our love just blossomed yesterday. Everything is so new and fresh. And that makes me feel even worse. I wonder what its going to be if we don’t see each other as much as we do like now. Will we still be yelling and throwing tantrums at each other? Blaming on things we did undone? Pretending we are still madly in love when it comes out the love we had and used to share is going down from time to time?

Just thinking about that makes me realize. We mature from day by day. We make stupid mistakes like other couples do. We lie to please each other. We pretend to like things we don’t. We are two sarcastic fucks.

And maybe we still are.

Put it this way, I have been trying to be as honest as I can to you. Not for the reason of pleasing you or such. Its like an obligation for me to do so. That I love you every single second. Nothing less, but more I wish :p I truly hope I am mature and wise enough to decide my path to be with you. After all these years…

Yet, you are still leaving. I know its for the best of us. And mainly you. And I’ll be here, waiting for you to come back. To fulfill our promises to each other.

Promises. Some people says promises are meant to be broken. And that’s a total lie, right?

Ee sayang, I think Im gonna sleep for now. Its late, eventhough I still got lots of mushy mushy thoughts going on. Heh. I’ll save that for later la then..

I love you.

Shima
2.36 a.m
21 February 2006
(8 more days to go… *cries*)

I love surveys :)

2006-03-13T01:17:00.001-08:00

1. Initials:
IYS

2. Name someone with the same birthday as you:
Ah, easy.. Jon Bon Jovi :P

3.Last thing that you ate?
Kinder Bueno

4. For or against same sex marriage?
Go, go for it!! Ngeh :D

5. Do you still watch cartoons on Saturday
I love Dave the Barbarian but its on Sunday!!

6. Do you believe in God?
Yes I do.

7. How many cities have you been to?
Loads :)

8. Something non-physical you like about yourself:
Artistic, creative.. Secretive!!

9. What is your dad's name?
Sharuddin Hj Teguh

10. If you could go anywhere in the world, where would you go?
Scotland with Ee (if can la..)

11. Favorite type of food?
I love Japanese food! And anything rich and creamy. And cakes and pastries. And, and.. Sambal Ikan Keli!!

12. Favorite holiday?
He He He I travelled a lot while studying! But I really loved my Langkawi trip..

13. Do you download music?
Used to download loads of trance for Ee. And I downloaded lots of mpegs. And yeah, I downloaded lots of songs but now, not that much anymore. Too busy with work!

14. Where would you want to go on a first date?
Movie and Dinner afterwards..

16. Has anyone ever sang or played for you?
Yeap, once..

17. Have you ever cried for no reason?
I did, but I was so sad last time..

18. Do you like President Arroyo?
She's a Filipino.. Who cares?

19. Have you ever bungee jumped?
No, not yet.. I dont have the intention to do so anyway!

20. Has anyone ten years older than you ever hit on you?
Yeapp..

21. How is the weather right now?
Its cloudy..

22. Current track you're listening to?
Tegan & Sara - Heavy

23. What is your current favorite song?
Oasis - Take Me Away

24. What was the last movie you watched?
Garasi..

25. Do you wear contacts?
Nope :x

26. Where was the last place you went besides your house?
My office here in Cheras

27. What are you afraid of the most?
Losing my loved ones..

28. Any pets?
*proud* My beloved Hitam and Puteh (Black & White)

29. Have you ever loved someone?
Of course!

30. What really turns you on?
Nice smell, shoulder length hair :)

31. What do you usually order from Starbucks?
Frappucino

32. Have you ever fired a gun?
O yeah, while playing CS..

33. Are you missing someone?
YESSSS!!! EE baby I miss you. And I missed Daddy too. He's in South Africa now.

34. Do you have an mp3 player?
Got one..

35. Has anyone ever said you looked like a celebrity?
Hello! I dont look like Elly Mazlein okay!!

36. What's the name of your crush?
*blush*

37. Are you comfortable with your height?
I am 5'8 ft. What do you expect? I am taller than everyone I've known!

38. Have you ever been caught doing something
you weren't supposed to be doing?
MUAHAHAHAHAHA.. Yeah, BLOGGING!!

39. Favorite flower?
Roses and Gerberras

40. Butter, plain, kettle, or salted popcorn?
I loved the caramel ones..

41. What books are you reading right now?
John Grisham's The Chamber and loads of gossip magazines

42. Has anyone you were really close to passed away?
My late cousin, Abg Shah..

43. Do you watch MTV?
Not anymore..

44. What's something that really annoys you?
Being asked the same question more than once!

45. What are some things you really like?
Reading and cuddling with my dear beloved :)

46. Do you like Michael Jackson?
I pity him

47. Can you dance?
I think I can.. :P

48. Favorite football team?
Liverpool - sama mcm Ee and Izmal

49. Favorite breakfast food?
Nasi Lemak Sambal Kerang.. yummy!

50. What's the latest you have ever stayed awake?
Umm.. The night after Ee left... I missed him :(

**I love questionnaires!! Ngehe :D

The Cheapest Way...

2006-03-12T19:33:00.000-08:00

All I have to do is DREAM - Everly Brothers

Drea-ea-ea-ea-eam, dream, dream, dream
Drea-ea-ea-ea-eam, dream, dream, dream
When I want you in my arms
When I want you and all your charms
Whenever I want you, all I have to do is
Drea-ea-ea-ea-eam, dream, dream, dream

When I feel blue in the night
And I need you to hold me tight
Whenever I want you, all I have to do is
Drea-ea-ea-ea-eam

I can make you mine, taste your lips of wine
Anytime night or day
Only trouble is, gee whiz
I’m dreamin’ my life away

I need you so that I could die
I love you so and that is why
Whenever I want you, all I have to do is
Drea-ea-ea-ea-eam, dream, dream, dream
Drea-ea-ea-ea-eam

I can make you mine, taste your lips of wine
Anytime night or day
Only trouble is, gee whiz
I’m dreamin’ my life away

I need you so that I could die
I love you so and that is why
Whenever I want you, all I have to do is
Drea-ea-ea-ea-eam, dream, dream, dream
Drea-ea-ea-ea-eam, dream, dream, dream

FADE
Drea-ea-ea-ea-eam, dream, dream, dream

My Bestfriends

2006-03-12T18:21:00.000-08:00

These are pics of my goodfriends.. Exceptional for the 1st one coz he'll always be my one and only!!

My Ultimate Bestfriend of All.. EE & Me

Areen. Ai. Me

With Yati

With Elly

With Miersyah

Hari Raya at Areen's place

Sue & Me

Me & Eyda

I love you adek!!

Ai, Me & Aiza Tepet

Muni, Me & Ai

Me & Ai

Areen & Me

Areen, Adek & Me

Hilang by GARASI

2006-03-12T17:58:00.000-08:00

Dimanakah cinta sejati
Yang memberi ketenangan hati….
Sampai kapanku harus menanti,
Kau pergi dan mungkin tak kan kembali..

Dan aku menangis dan aku terluka..
Bila..
Dan aku menangis dan aku terluka….
Bilaa…
Engkau menghilang…

Kau pergi dari ku tinggal kan ku
Lewati malam tanpa kasihmu
Ku rangkai kata
Ku rangkai nada
Yang ku ingin hanyalah cinta
Dan semua menghilang..
Dan semua menghilang..
Dan semua menghilang..

Semua karena cinta ku menangis
Semua karena cinta ku tertawa
Semua karena cinta…
Semua karena cinta…

Dan kau tinggalkan hanyalah luka
Dan semua menghilang..
Dan semua menghilang..
Dan semua menghilang..

Semua karena cinta ku menangis
Semua karena cinta ku tertawa
Semua karena cinta…
Semua karena cinta…

oh well.. this is how i felt at this moment actually.

My LOVE

2006-03-11T19:31:00.000-08:00

i love him.
i love him.

:(

Verge of tears..

2006-03-11T19:03:00.000-08:00

10 March 2006

Ee is leaving for Scotland today. I mean, tonight. I must admit that I am so sad coz we are gonna be separated for a year. And before he left the house, he hugged me and I broke down in front of him and cried. Surprisingly, he was crying too. I thought I was the one who’s overly sad but I was proven wrong. He was sad too. And it really touched me to see his tears running down his cheeks.

He hugged mom and me (again) before going back to Shah Alam to pack his stuff..

However, I still have to let him go. He must go. Its for the best of us anyway..

I went to KLIA alone. I don’t care, I must at least see his face even though there will be no hugs and kisses for both of us. His family was all there. His mom was thinking of sending a ring a.k.a cincin tanda. Its some sort like an engagement to his family. I was speechless. But inside, I was truly happy. We are really committed to each other, aren’t we? And we love each other too!

I even topped up my digi so that I could speak to him one last time before he really goes off. And it lasted only 6 mins and 38 secs. But I did call him all the way from home to KLIA coz I am not sure when will be the exact time for me to hear his voice again. The voice that I shall miss. So much :(

I reached home pretty exhausted. Felt like he is still around watching tv or rolling his ciggies. And just laying around lazily on the sofa or my bed. And eating dinner together. God I missed him so much. Is this really love then? Mom said it is. I think I now know how to differentiate the ‘like’ and the ‘love’ thing. I believed with Ee, it’s a true love. He is my love. I heart him. I want him. I need him. 24/7. Please God, I want to be inseparable with him :(

I cried again, however. I missed him. I can still imagine him wearing only his boxer shorts in my room. We used to chat before sleeping and then he’ll hug me and kiss me good night.

And now, it will be gone for a year (less, I hope..).

11 March 2006

I woke up at 9am today. Mom asked me to send her to work since I am not working today. I know Ee is still on flight. I think he’ll reach Scotland at 3pm++ like that. Hopefully he’ll call me as he promised.

Its so sad to wake up without having him beside me. And no daddy for my precious kittens too. I missed Ee. Last night, Faizal told me that Aiza cried for 3 straight days. Who wouldn’t anyway?? I cried too. I stopped only when Ee asked me to.

I slept with his worn t-shirt. His smell makes me tremble and wanna cry. I want Ee. I need Ee. I am so lonely now. Well, that’s how I felt anyway. It feels really weird as I am so used of having him around. Now that he gone, to another continent, it shatters my heart more than ever.

Ee, why do you have to go in the midst of our blossom love?

I think I am gonna take a shower and I’ll continue later. Areen’s coming over to fetch me. At least, I still have a shoulder to cry on, I hope. BBL.

OKaaaay!!

I am back!

Areen came over this evening. Surprisingly, I didn’t cry at all!! I think maybe I am too lonely as I was so used of having Ee around. My precious Ee. Ngeheh :D (I lied. I did cry when Areen called me. And I cried when listening to Martin Niviera’s ‘My Everything’.)

However, I had fun with Areen. We talked a lot about the current changes in our lives. And plenty of gossips too! Its great to have someone to talk to even though I couldn’t stop mentioning Ee’s name on every each of my sentences. I think Areen understand. Anyway, time’s too short and full of envy for us to spend more time together.

As Areen left, I cried again. I missed him more than ever. I was even talking to myself! I think I am going to be one hell a crazy chick. One year is equal to 365 days! It’s too long!!! I hope he realizes that fact.

There’s too many mental memory in my head of us being together. I figure maybe that’s one of the reasons why I couldn’t stand the fact of not having Ee with me whenever I need him. Not for a year, I supposed. Even when he was gone on the weekends for Ipoh, I went crazy coz I missed him like hell! (But he didn’t know.. I am quite a good actress when it comes to that!)

Ee is still not calling me yet even though he promised to do so as soon as he reaches Aberdeen. And as for my part, I guess I’ve been looking at my phone every single second, hoping he’ll call. Please do so, sir. My world is falling apart without you. I understand that he’s so tired after 16 hours flight (more I guess) and maybe he is busy arranging himself there, who knows? After all, its his first day abroad. What do you expect then? I mean, what am I expecting?

Kak Adek is here with her fiancé. At least, I managed not to cry when mentioning Ee’s name. And I succeed at doing so!!!

Ee told me that he wanted to see Tiesto performing really badly. Kesian Ee. Poor my baby for not being able to go. I am not even going anyway. The partying part of my life is merely over, I guess. Even if I want to, I’ll wait for Ee to come back. Then we’ll go together. Its better that way, no?

His parents and family will be coming over on 14 March for that cincin tanda thingy. It is really happening!! I was pretty excited and glad, after all these years, finally, there’s a progress in both of us lives although one is missing. It doesn’t matter anyway.

Tapi,

I am stuck between Mom and Dad. How now brown cow?

I’ll continue later lah. Pretty tired and sleepy plus, I am going to smell Ee’s t-shirt again and wishing upon a star to at least, dream of him tonight. Like Everly Brothers song, ‘All I have to do is Dream’.

That’s the only way, for now. No internet yet at home so I think I am gonna do that method lah kot.

I Love & Miss EE so so so much!!!

:(

2006-03-08T19:08:00.000-08:00

we love each other

:D

of course we do. sadly, ee's leaving for scotland tonight. and im gonna be like totally alone for a year. no more companion. no more hugs and kisses. no more sweet, sweet love. no more a shoulder to cry on. no more puteh & hitam's daddy. no more teasing. no more cuddling. no more laughter and joy. no more soap evenings together (mya zara & natasha). no more heartache.

but there will be more and more tears. sadness. fear. loneliness.

im gonna be like, totally alone.

sometimes i feel this world is so mean to me. why cant i love someone and at the same time, be together, inseparable like other lovers do? we've been practically away for 8 years. and... for the past 3 months, i totally enjoy being in love, having someone besides me every morning, and waits for me every evening. taking care of my precious lil kittens.

why oh why?

this word keep on repeating on my head like, a million times today. i couldnt even concentrate on work.

i feel like crying again..

last night we cried together. i was so touched to see his tears running down his cheeks. sweet, and yet, so sad..

i love ee.

i love fairies!!

2006-03-07T03:36:00.000-08:00

Few days ago, I went into this website - www.art.com and guess what I've found??

FAIRIES posters!!

Seriously, I think fairies are cute and adorable. They dont exist, I know but still, I love them.

I love and love and love and love and love them.

New Journey..

2006-03-07T03:09:00.000-08:00

I've made few promises to myself that:

1) I am gonna concentrate on updating this blog.
2) This will be my one and only blog I'll be concentrating on (plus the one in myspace).
3) I will be more open when writing my thoughts.
4) I am going to write everything.

I know my thoughts are crappy, that nobody can be really bothered to read it so I guess its okay to be open enough to reveal everything in this new blog of mine.

And yes, I will be mentioning names too.

Hah!!

:)